Song lyrics. I wish I had written that quip, but alas, all credit goes to Train. It comes from their song, "This'll Be My Year." We've already established that I love quotes. To me, lyrics are one step up from that. Lyrics are like the best quotes, set to melodies and chords that can move us to tears, make us smile, dance, and for goodness sake...feel.
This particular lyric isn't new to me. Before I found it very humorous, witty, laughable, even. Not this week. This week it came up in my workout playlist rotation. (PS - If you have any songs to recommend, throw them at me. My playlist is getting a bit trite. I'll also share my playlist in a separate post.) When it came up this time, I was 2/3 of the way through week 2 of my Zombies 5K app. This particular day's workout consisted of 10 minutes of walking, followed by repeating a circuit of 30 seconds running/5 heel lifts/1.5 minutes of walking 5x. The workout ends with a 10 minute "free form" run. (As the doctor of Abel Township, the fictionally afflicted town in Zombies 5 K tells you, a "free form" run means you can walk or run as much as you want, but you should always listen to your body.)
This particular workout was when Train made me realize that maybe this will be my year.
When it comes to running, listening to my body has previously been a mistake. My body always tells me I'm going to die after 30 seconds. I've seen meme after meme and article after article that says that it's your brain tricking you and that your body is really fine. Yeah, well, it never felt fine. It felt awful. Torturous. I hated running. (Side note - my mom instilled in me that we never say "hate." Well, Mom, in this case, that's how I felt. Don't overlook the past tense use of that verb...) During my past attempts at running, I'd made it partially through the Couch to 5K app, and partially through the Zombies 5K app. But my free form runs were always walks. I never even tried to run for any part of it. By the time I was finished with the running drills, I was so overwhelmed, so out of breath, so far in the midst of hating running that I was like, "NUH UH. I'm going to walk. At least I'm still moving." And indeed, at least I was still moving.
For some reason, this time is different. This time, I've been pushing myself a bit. I don't know what's different. It can't be the new running shoes (Brooks Dyad) or the playlist. It certainly can't be the season, since I'm running in the summer and it's soooo hot. Something is definitely different this time, though.
My sister and I joke that she's a gazelle and I'm a tortoise when it comes to running. She insists I'm a gazelle, too, but c'mon people. She runs MARATHONS. I'm not unhappy being a tortoise. They live a LONG time, on tropical islands, nonetheless! But I'm under no pretense that my run is a fast one. (How is the distinction made between running and jogging, by the way? This has always confused me.) My attempts at running this time may be tortoise-like in speed, but they aren't torturous. I daresay, I think I even hit a runner's high the other day. The only thing I ever hit before was a runner's cry. True story.
So why the title of this blog? Why do I say, "I stopped believing?" Because I had. I had stopped believing in myself. I had stopped believing that I can do anything, anything that I put my mind to. Anything that I ask God to be my partner in. Anything that I let HIM take the lead on. Like Jonah, I was actively running FROM God on my previous weight loss/exercise attempts. I wasn't running WITH Him. In a way, I stopped believing that with God as my pilot, I can overcome the things that are hard. Yes, even running.
I'm not saying that God is telling me to use this blog to chronicle my weight loss struggle, struggle with exercise, life, etc. I'm just saying that God can use ALL of me for good. He has singled me out and pinpointed me as His partner for some particular project. And this might be it. And if it IS it? Then I'd better do my darnedest to push myself, to be the best ME I can be. Because He's using me to be a reflection of Him.
I know that I haven't really shared my beliefs in this manner with you here before. Those who know me, know what I believe, in a religious/spiritual/whatever label you want to put on it sense. For so long, I've read stories, clicked on links, sought Pins on Pinterest, had magazine subscriptions, anything that I thought was encouraging, so that I could see that other people had lost weight and I can, too. I'm starting to think I was going about it in all the wrong manner. I know this is going to sound self-righteous, but please, please, please know, that's not what I mean by this at all.
This is what I read that made me stop and breakout my pink highlighter (of course, PINK!)
"The fog of life's journey will clog your spiritual sight, and the fear of the unknown is bound to make you consider bowing out. Don't back down. In future generations, your story will be the one that encourages someone else to follow hard after God. Have you ever considered that just as the previous stories encourage us along the way, yours will encourage someone else?" -Priscilla Shirer's Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted.
I don't know the outcome of my life. I don't know the outcome of this blog. I don't know what tomorrow, or even the next ten minutes holds. I do know, however:
- On Monday, I ran 2 minutes and 47 seconds without stopping, then another 2 and a half minutes without stopping during my free form run.
- On Wednesday, I ran 5 minutes and then another 2ish minutes without stopping during my free form run (the workout changes to two 8-minute free form runs, broken up by 2 minutes of stretching.)
- On Friday, I ran BOTH 8-minute free form runs...without stopping. I didn't feel like I was going to die.
I may not know what He has in store for me, but I think He'd be happy that I'm listening to Journey's advice again. That I'm making sure my life (and this blog) are a story worth reading. Don't stop believing.
So impressed!! Great job!
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